Pluto's Mysteries
by Dumas1
Summary: A collection of nonsense about the most mysterious Senshi of all. The hidden sides and possible sides of Setsuna are strange indeed.Not intended to fit in any continuity whatsoever.
1. Birthday

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and its characters belong to someone whose name I cannot recall at the moment.

Birthdays

'Welcome to my home. Please, enter of your own free will.' Setsuna bowed deeply as she slid to one side of the door to let the younger Senshi enter. Her new home (or possibly very old one; it was hard to tell with her) was a penthouse apartment with a spectacular view of Rome (as she put it, 'The Eternal City needs an eternal resident'). Dark wood paneling and a deep green carpet gave the home a dark but cozy look.

'Why did you fly us all the way out here?' Minako asked. The Senshi had scattered to the winds after school, each pursuing careers in different parts of Japan and beyond.

'It's my birthday,' their host replied.

'Your birthday? I thought that was next week! I didn't get you anything!' Usagi wailed. Mamoru had remained in Japan on business, and his wife was still quite flighty without him.

'My _real_ birthday is today. The calendar on Pluto doesn't quite match up with Earth's. Here, take a look.' Setsuna produced a large pocket watch on a gold chain and showed it to the others. Strange runes crawled across its face in an intricate dance that none of them could interpret. One particular rune was a blazing red, which they assumed meant it marked a special date.

'Well, happy birthday, then,' Ami said. 'How are you celebrating?'

'There's a production of _Carmina Burana_ on tour in Rome and I've made reservations for dinner at the best restaurant in town. After that we'll come back here and catch up on the last few years.'

Setsuna produced a dusty bottle from a locked cupboard when the young women returned to her apartment. She set out nine small glasses and said, 'This is something I saved from my last birthday. A dram for each of us and that's an end of this old brandy.'

The nine took their drinks after a toast to the birthday girl and followed it down with the liquors Setsuna had acquired from every country. Finally, around midnight, Haruka asked, 'Just where were you for your last birthday?'

'Edinburgh in '45. Fall had just come and the Prince was in town. He was the most charming man I'd ever met– and that's saying something. Balls nearly every night and the brandy flowed like water.' Setsuna smiled. 'He'd just come back from a victory and said he'd march off to more. Shame for old Charlie.'

'Wait a minute. Prince Charles wasn't born until 1948,' Ami pointed out. Her mind was still sharp even after three cups of champagne.

Setsuna blinked and poured herself another dram of Scotch. 'Not Charles, _Charlie_.' The name sounded decidedly non-English the way she said it. 'Besides, you know that Pluto's year is a lot longer than fifty Earth years.'

Further discussion of her time in Edinburgh was cut off by Minako's discovery of Setsuna's karaoke machine (it had come with the rest of her home theatre and she'd never gotten rid of it). The girls spent a few hours singing the latest songs from whatever country they lived in before the conversation came back to their host.

'I'm surprised you're still single at your age,' Minako said. 'You know what they say about birthday cake.'

'That's Christmas cake. 1' Makoto corrected her friend. 'And that's not a nice thing to bring up at a birthday.'

'Don't worry about it.' Setsuna waved the question away. 'I'm still far short of 25.' She added in an undertone, 'In Pluto years, anyway,' before taking another drink. 2

Setsuna returned to the living room where Haruka had been hiding from the poor singing of a certain old friend. The racer had stayed in England for a few months while racing in France. She said, 'This party's too quiet for something that only comes every couple centuries.'

'That's because we have no men. I have a few designer friends in Rome, but none of them are any good to drink with, all moaning about exes and boyfriends. Besides, I wanted something just for my old friends from Japan. Ah, those Scots could party. Once I got away from the formal parties, we had a wild time.'

'It was nice, getting everyone together again. Maybe we should go clubbing tomorrow night, do something more exciting.'

'That'd be nice. Things were always exciting around Charlie. Rumours flew left and right, thicker than bullets.' Setsuna poured herself yet another drink and started singing a song in a language no one else in the apartment knew:

'O Teàrlaich mhic Sheumais, mhic Sheumais, mhic Teàrlaich….' 3

She continued on for a while, unaware that the younger Senshi had stopped singing and had gathered in the doorway to listen. A few of them clapped softly when she finished, causing her to blush. She recovered quickly and shouted for everyone to pour new drinks and toast 'The King Across the Water,' whom most of them thought to be the future Endymion.

The green-haired hostess sang a few more soft, sad song in strange languages, but her audience had already lost interest. They returned to the karaoke room for cheerier and younger music. After one particularly old song, Haruka said, 'You must've had it bad for this Charlie. So how long has it been since you've partied like this?'

'Me and half the island. And my last real party was in…'79 at the Crossover; before that was a Cossack wedding in June of '08 in the middle of Siberia. Now _they_ knew how to have a good time.' Setsuna gave the blonde a crooked smile and downed more whiskey. 'Two men too drunk to stand tried to have a swordfight over me and they thought _four_ men were fighting. Then a horse stepped on me in the morning and I…overreacted. Come on, Haruka, it's your turn to sing.' 4

'Fine. Let's see if I remember anything.' She bumbled her way through an old Japanese pop song that had been popular during their career as magical girls with Setsuna making nonsensical corrections– she insisted that 'pickled cat' was the proper end to one line.

Eventually, the others filtered back through the living room on the way to bed. By this time, Setsuna had become merry again and was happily singing whatever phrases came to mind:

'I've fed Nessie with me own right hand  
And stalked young boys with the Theban Sacred Band

Yonder lies the kingdom of a Queen long dead  
Here is the Queen whose name is never said

I know the man who scrawled on Joyeux' hilt  
And I know what hides 'neath the Scotsman's kilt'

She continued on in this vein for nearly half an hour, always coming back to the Scotsman's kilt. Eventually, she got tired of the song and opened the rum. At this point, Haruka took one more drink and excused herself to go to bed, leaving Setsuna alone in the living room with the bottles.

'Young girls can't handle their liquor these days,' she said to them. 'My mother's birthdays never went for less than two days. Maybe that old fool was right about the decay of humanity over the ages.'

The others woke up hung over and out of sorts to find Setsuna sitting amidst the empty bottles waiting for them. She was smiling strangely and asked, 'Who wants to see some gladiators? I can get us in the front seats at the Coliseum, nevermind the laws.'

**Notes**

This little spamfic is the product of too much reading about the abortive attempt in 1745 to depose George III and restore a Stuart king to the throne of England. I suppose you all know by now which famous Prince Charlie Setsuna was drunkenly singing about. If not, you're more than likely online and capable of using Wikipedia or Google to figure it out.

1) A charming Japanese expression for the idea that a woman who was still single at 25 would be too old to ever catch a husband. Or so I've heard online. The expression comes from the fact that no one wants Christmas cake (some sort of seasonal pastry, presumably) after the 25th.

2) The Pluto year is a bit over 248 Earth years. Thus, 25 Pluto years is somewhere around 6200 Earth years. I suppose that this is the place to mention that this places this fic around 1993 based on Setsuna's remark about her last birthday. Prince Charles entered Edinburgh around 16 or 17 September (Old Style) and left on 1 November. In the New Style (i.e., the calendar used now) the dates would be 28 September to 12 November. I'm not sure how old the rest of the Senshi would be since I am not sure when Sailor Moon is set.

3) This translates to 'Charles son of James, son of James, son of Charles….' It's the beginning of a song that was performed before Prince Charles by poet Alexander Macdonald soon after his landing in Scotland in 1745. I nicked it from a biography of the Prince, so blame one of the authors for the spelling. Teàrlaich sounds rather like 'Charlie' to Anglophones, hence the usual name for the Young Pretender.

4) This particular 'overreaction' is quite famous and to this day unexplained. As Russia still used the Old Style at this time, I think the rest of the world dates it in early July. I don't think Pluto really cares. She knows when it was. Oh, and Neptune temporarily became the furthest planet from the Sun in February of 1979; Pluto passed it again in February of 1999.


	2. Invoices

Invoices

Usagi, Mamoru, Ami, Minak, Rei, and Makoto had gathered at Rei's shrine on a Sunday afternoon in early spring. What made this meeting unusual was the fact that Setsuna had summoned them. Once the six had arrived, she handed each of them a thick envelope and left without a word. The girls opened their envelopes with puzzled faces that turned into bulging eyes and dropped jaws.

'I can't afford this!'

'_How _much for dry cleaning? I haven't used that many roses!' shouted the only man in the building.

'I always wondered why my computer still worked after all those years. And how it had data on events after the fall of the Moon Kingdom.'

'Waaaaaaaaa! I'll never pay this off!'

'There goes my dream of opening a business. No one will loan me money with this debt over my head.'

'I never knew I had a castle! The commute would be a pain, though.'

'Um, there seems to be something at the bottom,' Ami said. '"If you cannot pay this, I have another option. Read the card.' She fished out a slim piece of plastic somewhat larger than a credit card that simply said, 'Bend me' in swirling script.

Ami did as the card instructed and a hologram of Setsuna's face appeared above the card. It said, 'Are you looking for a purpose in life? A little excitement? Maybe even learn a few skills you can use in a second career? Then join the Pluto Armed Forces!'

Ami set the card on the table and the others gathered around as a man in a severe silver-trimmed black uniform replaced Setsuna. His silver hair shone under an invisible spotlight. 'I am Lord Scorpio, Commander-in-chief of the Pluto Army. We can turn the most limp-wristed momma's boy into an unstoppable killing machine. We also train medics, mechanics, and pilots. Join us in the defense of Sol System, the proud few who stand against the darkness beyond.'

Scorpio saluted and faded away. A woman in an almost identical uniform took his place. She said, 'I am Lady Aries, Commander of the Royal Navy. With us, you will serve onboard the most advanced ships in the system, with the opportunity to travel to the stars. Exotic ports and foreign peoples are just a phone call away.'

Setsuna returned, wearing the same uniform with more medals and trim than either of the other two. 'Swear fealty to me, Lady Pluto, and begin your career today.' The hologram faded away.

'She's not serious, is she?' Minako asked. 'She knows we don't have the time to commit to this.'

'I don't wanna join the military!' Usagi whined.

'Everyone, look, there's something else,' Ami said. Curling script was appearing above the card, tracing out a short message.

Rei read it. '"Check the calendar?" What is that supposed to mean?'

Ami pulled a planner from her purse and hit her head twice against the table, but not very hard. She threw it down for everyone to see. The current week began on April 1.


	3. The Bar at the End of Time

The Bar at the End of Time

The battle was over: Galaxia had been defeated and Chaos frustrated in its bid to destroy the cosmos. The Starlights and their princess had left for their own world, leaving the Senshi of Sol System alone on the surface of the Zero Star with the Galaxy Cauldron bubbling gently behind them. One of them said it was good to be alive again. Another muttered something about another notch on her tiara, which sent the nine into a fit of hysterical laughter, the kind a wise man once dubbed the great king who would not be denied even in the depths of grief. (1)

Once they recovered, Sailor Mars asked, 'So…how are we getting back? We're a long way from Earth and I don't think Haruka brought her car.'

'A car couldn't run in space–' blue-haired Sailor Mercury began.

'Maybe we could teleport back?' Sailor Jupiter suggested. 'Does anyone remember how we did that?'

Mercury tapped at her computer and shook her head. 'We're out of range. Our teleportation abilities were never intended to be used over more than a few A.U.' (2)

Sailor Pluto produced an ornate pocket watch from somewhere. Strange runes crawled over its face in a dance she interpreted at a glance. 'Our ride will be here any minute.'

The others demanded, 'What ride?' Before Pluto could answer, something chirped at her waist. She pulled a sleek black ovoid from the same place she kept her watch and flipped it open. A man's face appeared on the screen and said, 'We're in orbit above your position, milady, and ready to bring you onboard.'

'You made good time. Nine to beam up. Energize.' White light engulfed the young women and the surface of the Zero Star was empty once more.

When the light faded, they found themselves standing on a low dais in a room with green carpets and dark wood paneling on the walls. A silver-haired man in a black uniform greeted them at the foot of the dais. Setsuna introduced him as Scorpio, the second mate, helmsman, gunner, and engineer of the _Persephone_. His wife Aries was the first mate, navigator, communications officer, and purser.

'Welcome aboard, everyone,' he said. 'What is your destination?'

'Earth!' eight of them shouted instantly, but he waited for Setsuna to speak.

'The Bar at the End of Time, Scorpio. We need to celebrate.' The man bowed and headed off for the bridge. Setsuna turned to the others and said, 'The Bar is at least a day from here at cruising speed. I will show you to your cabins.'

As the nine followed Setsuna down the wood-walled corridors, Minako said, 'Don't you think that Scorpio guy would look totally hot in a red outfit like Char's?'

'We used to have a red uniform in the rotation,' Setsuna said without turning her head. 'He stopped wearing it in the late Sixties. Said it was bad luck. Now, you girls will be staying in cabins three through nine. Haruka and Michiru, you have number four, a double, and the rest of you have singles. If the crew followed orders, Usagi will be sharing number three with someone special.' 3

'Wait, wait, wait!' Usagi burst out. She had been restive since being beamed up. 'Since when did you have a starship? And where did you get that cool phone thing? And what about cabins one and two?'

'Cabin one is mine and cabin two belongs to the crew. The phone came with the ship, and I've had it since before the Moon Kingdom fell. It was a gift of sorts from my mother.' Setsuna passed out a number of gold keycards to the girls. Each one had a little gem set in one corner. 'Slide the key into your cabin's lock to set it. Until we get back to Earth, that key will only open that door and the common areas.'

The ship rocked, throwing half the Senshi off their feet. A klaxon blared and Scorpio's voice came over the intercom: 'All hands report to battle stations. This is not a drill. Passengers are to remain in their cabins until the emergency is over. Bridge and exterior camera footage can be seen on channels forty-two and forty-three. Repeat: All hands to battle stations….'

'You heard the man! Get to your cabins and stay there.' Setsuna took off at a dead run for the lift at the end of the corridor, which led directly to the bridge. The _Persephone's_ bridge was small; only two of the five stations were occupied. The silver-haired woman in the captain's chair stood and saluted Setsuna when the door opened. She had a fuller figure than Scorpio, and a few inches more height, but her face shared a bit of his weathered agelessness.

'Welcome aboard, ma'am. The bridge is yours.'

'Thank you, Aries. What's going on? Don't tell me you decided to entertain the passengers.' Setsuna took her seat and flipped through a series of reports on the display attached to the armrest.

'No, ma'am. I'm shocked you think I'd do such a thing,' Scorpio said from his station. He threw a plot on the main screen. 'Gravity anomaly off our stern. We're being pulled out of hyperspace. Radar indicates something large behind and beneath us in normal space. My first guess is pirates: this sector sees pretty heavy traffic, but it's far from the major powers.'

'Pirates? You know what to do then.'

'Aye. Shields at full power and we're heating up the guns. Aft torpedo tubes already loaded.'

'Good. Aries, take us out of hyperspace. Fire at will, Scorpio.'

The _Persephone_ emerged in normal space above and a little ahead of a ship several times her size with a launch bay that could swallow her whole. Scorpio launched his torpedoes as soon as the target was in sight. Two exploded on the enemy's hull and a third flew into the launch bay.

'Missiles launched from the far side of the enemy vessel,' Aries reported. 'No fighters detected.'

'No one's stupid enough to build something that size with only one launch bay. Inertial dampeners to three-quarters, extra powers to shields.' Scorpio's hands danced over the controls before punching the intercom. 'All hands brace for impact!'

The little ship's interceptor guns shot down two missiles, but two others slammed into her shields. Scorpio pulled the control stick with one hand and tapped in weapon orders with the other. The _Persephone_ shot up and back, skimming just over her opponent's hull. The plasma cannon mounted on her underside raked the other ship with deadly fire. Once she was astern, she shot back into hyperspace, leaving her enemy aflame and listing. Setsuna opened the intercom circuit.

'This is your captain speaking. We have just escaped a pirate attack. You are free to resume your normal activities.'

Usagi and her friends arrived at the Bar at the End of Time with no further incidents. The Bar itself was a hollowed asteroid far from any star system with wharves that could accommodate even the largest liners or warships. The _Persephone_ pulled into a spot between two freighters displaying the same markings as her. Inside, the Bar seemed to be the prototype of all Earthly bars: dark wood counter, mirror behind the bar, bottles lining the walls, and numerous tables of varying degrees of stability. The main difference was that the bar ran for several miles.

'Welcome back.' The proprietor behind the bar was a stout, balding human (or a being who could pass for human) who ordered his staff around in a booming, jovial voice. He poured Setsuna a small glass of something the colour of her eyes that she downed instantly. He leaned across the bar and said, 'There's half a dozen of you in the back room. And the Doctor's in.'

'Dr. who?' asked Haruka.

'Exactly,' replied Setsuna with a smile the other woman could not see. The joke was tired and old at the Bar, but dutifully retold every time the man was present. She continued, 'Thank you, Winter. A bottle of the usual and keep the Doctor here until I talk to him.' She turned around to address her friends, including Mamoru, who had been picked up on Earth before the _Persephone_ set out for the Zero Star. 'You guys find a table. There are some people I have to see.'

The Bar had a number of rooms set aside for certain frequent customers. Setsuna made her way to one with a bronze door that opened at her touch. Within were seven women who were almost identical to her: dark skin, red eyes, and green hair. A rack of glasses and a set of taps stood along one wall. She set her dusty bottle on the table and declared, 'To victory! Galaxia has been defeated.'

The others instantly slid glasses down the long table to clink against the bottle. The newcomer poured and slid them back. They raised the glasses and drank to victory. One said, 'Ah. If old Charlie knew one thing, he knew brandy. I'll match any of the new brands against this.'

A huddled heap of hair at the far end of the table picked herself up at those words. 'To Charlie! May the cheating son of a bitch get what's coming to him!' Having drained her glass, she collapsed once more. Hers was a tragic tale: abandoned by the Prince she had nursed and served through defeat and victory. On the day of his coronation, he had declared that he would marry another, some foreign princess he had never seen. He left her with a house and a mortal daughter. The others raised their arms, but drank nothing.

Setsuna, the one who had just arrived, turned to one who sat near her. This one wore a ring on one finger. Setsuna said, 'Won't your girlfriend be jealous that you go to someone else's bar?'

'Juri's not that kind. I think. Winter serves things she has never heard of and she can't mix a Gargle Blaster to save her life.'

'Not her fault Algolian suntigers don't exist in her continuity,' said a third who was enjoying her second of the infamous drinks. (4)

'I'd love to stay, but I have business with the Doctor.' Setsuna shared one more round of drinks with the group and left the empty bottle. They knew her story as well.

She found the Doctor in one of the Bar's innumerable dark corners with an odd bottle in one hand and a half-full glass in the other. She said, 'Never thought I'd find the last of the Time Lords in a place like this.'

He turned around with bleary eyes and started. 'You! You know Winter won't let you hurt me in here. The bloody Daleks found out about _that_ rule right off. Don't know why they come in here, they live in those shells of theirs, don't need food or drink. Can't trust a being who won't drink. Like those…those…oh, you know them. Standoffish guys on that one planet who believe that alcohol is the devil's piss.'

Setsuna cut him off. 'You're rambling. Sign here and I'll never bother you again so long as you remember the terms of our old agreement.' She wiped the bar with a towel she kept somewhere on her person and laid a few papers before the man.

'Right, right. I don't mess around with your realities, you don't put my head on a spike.' The Doctor pulled a pen from his pocket and scrawled a signature at the bottom of a page of legalese with the names Las Vegas and Clark County printed at the top. Setsuna signed, too, and slid them into a portfolio she hid away again.

'Now that that's done, we can forget that whole episode ever took place. Good bye, Doctor.'

'Wait. I saw the date on those papers. Aren't you a few years late?'

Setsuna laughed. 'You know who I am. Does the date really matter to people like us?'

'No, guess it doesn't. Well, as long as you get the papers to court in time, it's all fantastic. Eh? What's going on down there?'

A new arrival seemed to be making a commotion at the far end of the bar. Setsuna climbed on a stool to get a better look. The newcomer had two heads and a considerable entourage. She said, 'It's Beeblebrox.'

'Ah. Him.' If there was one thing in the universes they shared, it was their opinion of Zaphod Beeblebrox. 'You know, he claims there's no drink he can't finish. Do you suppose Winter knows the Smashed Dalek?'

'If he doesn't know it, it doesn't exist. Oi, Winter! Order for Mr. Beeblebrox down here. Tell him it's a challenge.'

The barman was with them in a minute, followed shortly by the two-headed President. The Doctor said, 'I hear there's no drink in any universe you can't finish, Mr. President.'

'That's right. If you can find a drink I can't finish, I'll buy you a starship.' Beeblebrox smiled behind his shades. They were light, partly because the Bar was rather dim, but mostly because Winter took a dim view of violence in his establishment.

'Alright. Winter, make him a Smashed Dalek.'

The barman paled, but set a large glass on the bar and gathered the bottles he needed. The finished drink was thick, green, and contained a number of almost solid lumps. One of Beeblebrox's faces turned green and his shades went black, but he manfully picked up the glass and sipped. Now both faces were green, but he managed to swallow half the glass before turning and emptying his stomach.

'That's going on your tab, Doctor,' Winter said. 'Jesse! Bring a mop over. And a free drink to anyone the President puked on.'

'That was cruel,' Setsuna said. 'You know perfectly well that the ingredients react to form violent emetics and laxatives. I don't think even a Dalek can drink one of those.'

'Eh? I always thought no one finished the things because they taste so foul. Thought the man was trying to kill me the first time I had one.'

'I see. But why do you need a starship? You already have the TARDIS.'

'It broke down.'

'Again?'

'Yes, again. And I don't think Mr. President is going to remember his bet in the morning. That or he'll buy me a rustbucket that's about as spaceworthy as a paper bag.'

'He just might. Well, I have to get back to my friends. Winter! Give him a drink on me.'

'Thanks. And congratulations.'

Mamoru and the Senshi were well on their way to being drunk when Setsuna found their table. She eyed the number of empty glasses and ordered herself a Gargle Blaster, deciding it was equivalent to what the others had had. She drained it at a draught and asked, 'How've you guys gotten along without me?'

'Just fine! Mamo-chan's been teaching me the different beers,' Usagi said. She had one arm around her boyfriend and they had several empty glasses before them.

'Some jerk was hitting on Ami earlier, but I took care of him.' Makoto flexed her arm before downing another shot of amber liquor. She tried to coax Ami into trying some, but the smaller girl refused. She was nursing some sweet icy concoction with a paper umbrella stuck into it.

Minako bounced up to the table with a microphone in her hand. 'Hey, guys! Guess what? This place has karaoke! I've reserved a room, so come on.'

The others followed her, but Setsuna stopped at the bar first. 'Jackie, get me another Gargle Blaster. The girls want to do karaoke.'

While the young woman mixed the drink, a blood-stained Gautian sat down beside her. He had a few cracked scales on his face and carried his lower left arm in a sling. Winter set a glass of fizzing Gautian ale in front of him. 'Welcome, Captain Nevling. You look like you've had some bad luck.'

'My _Destiny's Hand_ caught a little freighter under the Pluto flag, the _Persephone_, in hyperspace. You've heard of her, deals in those Rim products that are so popular these days. Well, I've always thought she'd make a great yacht, so I gave orders to capture her. The bitch shoots a torpedo into my launch bay and rips open a third of my top decks before escaping! How does a little tramp freighter carry that much firepower?'

Winter poured him a second drink. 'It's one of the old _Titan_-class battleships, that's how. I keep telling you to upload the _Priscus Index_ to your computer, but you never listen. It pays to know about your target.'

'_Titan-_class? I thought those were just legends or scrap by now. Besides, it's too small to be a battleship. My _Hand_ could fit her in the launch bay!'

Setsuna set down her Gargle Blaster. 'The _Persephone's _my ship.' Whatever else she was about to say was interrupted by someone yelling.

'You know who you're talking to, monkey? Zaphod Beeblebrox, that's who!' His opponent was a little white creature that barely reached his waist. The more knowledgeable patrons had already moved away from the two. The 'monkey' made a series of hoots and screeches that caused Beeblebrox's faces to swell red.

'Wonderful. Now the idiot's picking a fight with Spekkio,' Setsuna muttered. She finished her drink and went off to join her friends.

Scorpio and Aries were singing an old duet when Setsuna came in. The others sat on couches in various states of intoxication. Ami was half asleep with her head on Makoto's shoulder and Setsuna saw the brunette smile at her smaller friend. Usagi was trying to convince Mamoru to do a duet with her, but he was barely holding himself upright in his seat. Setsuna took a seat in the back and ordered a third Gargle Blaster over the phone.

She was well into her fourth when Minako noticed she had arrived and dragged her to the stage. Even her mind was a little slow after three Gargle Blasters and she at first responded to Minako in a language that had not been spoken in several centuries. She flipped through the catalogue and at last settled on something she had heard once in the Welsh hills around the time Arthur was learning to walk. Setsuna picked up the harp that appeared beside the mic stand and played a few notes before beginning. It was a slow song, and sad, mourning things lost that would not come again, the downfall of the Golden Age and the sacking of cities.

The applause woke Ami, who started up from Makoto's shoulder with a blush on her face. When Setsuna returned to her seat, Ami asked her, 'There's something that's been bugging me all night: How did Scorpio and Aries survive Galaxia's rampage? She claimed she had gotten all the Star Seeds in the galaxy.'

'The _Persephone's_ hanger exists a little outside of regular time. She could not affect it. I called them while you guys were saying goodbye to the Starlights.' Unfortunately, she said this in the same Celtic tongue she had sung in and had to repeat it in Japanese.

Half an hour later, Mamoru and the younger women were all asleep on the couches. Setsuna finished her last drink, a tall glass of fizzing blue liquid that tasted faintly of strawberries, and said to Scorpio, 'Get them back aboard. I'll settle our bill.'

The younger Senshi woke to headaches, nausea, and all the discomfort of a hangover. They found Setsuna in the large dining hall sharing a pot of tea with Scorpio and Aries at the head of the table. She greeted them cheerfully and asked, 'Who wants to see the Greek Olympics? I know some great pankration matches.' (5)

Notes:

This is the result of combining several bits of nonsense that came to me regarding the usually reserved Sailor Pluto. It combines elements of several things, shreds the canon of a few more, and is not meant to be taken seriously at all. In its most basic form, it arose from the question 'How did the Senshi get back from the Zero Star after the battle with Galaxia?' I'm sure it was addressed in canon, but the idea of Pluto owning a starship sounded better to me.

Also, the Pluto with the ring from Juri comes from shanejayell's fic Arisugawa's Locket.

If nothing else, I would like to see how many of you actually recognize all the references I made in this chapter. Several are not explained in the notes.

1) Dr. Van Helsing, as quoted in Dr. Seward's diary entry of 22 September.

2) Astronomical Unit, the average distance between the Earth and the Sun. Not all that far in astronomical terms, really, only a bit over eight light-minutes.

3) Char Aznable is a character from the original Gundam series and a number of its sequels, the prototypical masked blonde antagonist for the franchise. The original Star Trek ran from 1966-69.

4) The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, is the best drink in existence, according to the _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy._ The same publication, however, claims that the universe is wrong whenever it contradicts the _Guide_. It also gives a recipe for the drink.

5) The pankration was a sport that has been described as a mixture of boxing and wrestling and may have borne a strong resemblance to the current popular idea of martial arts. Matches tended to be savage and even fatal. Like all ancient athletic events, this was done in the nude.


	4. Drabble Pack

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and its characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi and the animation studios involved in its creation. Highlander belongs to…well, 20th Century Fox, I suppose, or the director M. Mulcahy.

By Moonlight

Setsuna's head had been tingling all day and she knew battle was coming. A man rose from a bench beside the lake. It was time.

'It's been a long time, Eve– no, Lilith.' He drew his sword, a heavy thing that threw back the Moon's light in brittle beams.

'We will not meet again.' Setsuna twisted her staff and drew out the long, slim blade within.

Blades clashed beneath the oaks and willows. Sparks flew and a head fell. It rolled silently into the water.

Setsuna spoke the ancient words as she sheathed her blade: 'There can be only one.'

* * *

Planets

'So what are you going to do now that Pluto's not a planet?' Ami asked.

Setsuna drained her glass and refilled it before answering. 'They didn't even know it was there until seventy years ago. What do I care what they call it?'

'How did they deal with it in the Silver Millennium?'

'It had a Star Seed associated with it that could support a full-powered Senshi, so they called it a planet. But I don't care. Its status never mattered to us, only its location.' Another glass.

'Its location?'

'If you have to ask, you don't need to know.'

* * *

Nightfall

Sometimes, I watch the stars come out. Not often, but sometimes. I know too much about them.

This one lost its civilization to a massive flare. That one to volcanism.

A man owes me money on that little blue one there.

The second finest bar to ever exist in any world is right between those three stars. Well, until that meteor hit. The finest one is immune to such things.

And now the Moon is up. I don't like looking at it. I know even more about it. Maybe I should take the _Persephone_ and look for a new view.

* * *

Notes:

Drabble 1– Methos, considered the oldest Immortal, is often called Adam. Or so sayeth Wikipedia. Naturally, since Setsuna is older, she cannot be Eve.

Drabble 2– If I were immortal, I'd care very little what a bunch of astronomers had to say about classifying my property. It's still mine, after all. As for the Asteroid Senshi, I will wave the magic wand and say they were deemed underpowered or something like that, so they aren't planets. Finally, Pluto was discovered in 1930, so Setsuna is speaking in round numbers.

Drabble 3– Just some nonsense. As usual, none of these are supposed to really fit into any continuity.


	5. Roaches

Roaches

It was a small motel room a little ways off the Strip. If the showers had been just a hair less white, the carpet a little more stained, the place could have been called seedy. As it was, it bore a strong resemblance to a bachelor's apartment that never had guests. Despite the late (or early) hour, both occupants were sitting on the bed staring at the documents in their laps.

Something small and brown darted across the far wall. One dark-skinned hand snatched up the silver pistol on the nightstand. A needle of light drilled through the skittering insect and it dropped to the floor, joining a dozen of its kin. The green-haired woman set the gun down and returned to the papers.

'You're the only person I've ever met with a roach gun. Figures I'd marry a weirdo,' the man said. His accent marked as English, though Setsuna could not have said which region.

She threw the papers to the floor and said, 'You're not much of a catch either, exile. The courts open for business early here and I know a lawyer. We can get an annulment in the morning and pretend this never happened.'

'That would be best. So just why do you hate cockroaches?'

'Because they're everywhere. It's creepy.'

'Come on. The same is true of mosquitoes and rats, but you don't shoot them on sight.'

'I meant _everywhere_. Every world, every timeline I've ever seen: as long as there is life on land on Earth, there are roaches. Six-foot acid-spitting monsters or three-inch scutterers, there are roaches.'

'But in an infinite multiverse, anything that can be imagined has to exist. And that includes an Earth with humans but no roaches.'

'I've never heard of one, nor have my alternates. They all think I'm mad, by the way. I even managed to ask one of the Omniscients about it and he said he'd never seen such a thing.' Setsuna forestalled the inevitable question by saying, 'I'd rather not talk about how I convinced him to answer the question.'

'I see.' The man turned these facts over in his head. 'That still means nothing. It could just be a meaningless coincidence, like how no universe ever has more than one race truly master time travel. Any number can pick up the basics, but only one is paramount.'

Setsuna gave her temporary husband a sharp look. She addressed him by his true name, which startled him: 'You know nothing, but I think these two "coincidences" are related. I believe that roaches are the remnants of an early loser in the Great Time Wars, a race that was perhaps once equal to yours reduced to ubiquitous pests.'

'The Great Time Wars? I've never heard of them.'

'A long time ago– in higher-dimensional time, of course– many races in many universes developed time travel and interdimensional travel. A few wanted to rule the entire multiverse and the Wars began. Gallifrey, Pluto, the Lantern Corps, some strange monks in saffron from a very improbable world, every organization and race that claimed to defend time, space, or a universe, was involved. Universes collapsed, races were wiped from existence, the very fabric of reality threatened to unravel . Eventually, a handful of Omnipotents stepped into prevent the destruction of their favourite toy.

'The treaties that ended the Wars were inscribed on the very bones of the multiverse. No dimension-faring race had dominion in any universe where no native version existed, only one such race existed per universe, and most of the worst damage was undone. It took all the power of all the warring parties (and a little help from the Omnipotents) to do this and then the history of the Wars was sealed away because they had not happened.'

'But you still know they happened. You hold the great secret that has been kept from even the Time Lords.' Everything about the man's voice, posture, and face said that he found this difficult to believe.

'Oh, they know. The senior ones, at least. I believe that roaches are refugees from the Wars, spread throughout the multiverse for  
some reason. Do you want to get some sleep or an early breakfast?'

* * *

The conference with Setsuna's lawyer acquaintance went well. He gave them a number of forms to complete and submit to the courthouse within the next few days. As he put it, 'It should go pretty quick. Not quite as quick as getting married in this town, but close.'

Once on the street, the couple decided to have lunch together before starting on the paperwork. A few blocks from the restaurant, the man pointed out a phone booth and said, 'I have to make a call. I'll be right back.'

'Don't take too long. The sooner we get this done the better.' A thought hit her once the man had left: _Vegas doesn't have blue phone booths_. 'Get back here, you coward!'

Setsuna took off at a dead run, but the booth disappeared before she could lay a hand on the door.

Notes:

For those who haven't guessed, Setsuna married the Doctor from the Dr. Who series in Vegas. The Lantern Corps she mentions are the Green Lanterns from DC's universe(s) and belong to that company. The strange monks in saffron are the History Monks from Pratchett's Discworld series.

This little idea came to me when I was wondering just why Setsuna would fear cockroaches. They are such little things and (outside of some post-apocalyptic settings) more or less harmless of themselves. Then I thought of their ubiquity and tenacity (as they say, roaches will be eating Twinkies after the nukes go off), added a drop of typical fanfiction silliness, and this was the result.


End file.
